Monday, August 3, 2009

Just in Case...

So much for blogging more often, huh? And it's not like I didn't have anything to write about this week. I did. I just didn't have any mojo to go with the stories, y'all. It's that week of the month again y'all. You know how it goes. Feelin' a little funky and not wantin' to drag y'all down with me.

BUT, since I'm waking up in about four and a half hours and counting to get on a plane and cross the Atlantic, AND since I am starting to freak out a little at the odds of my getting into a plane crash increasing (how many times have I crossed the Atlantic now?), I figure I had better say a few words. Just in case.

Well, shit. Now I'm just sitting here staring at my flashing cursor. It's not that I don't HAVE anything to say. It's that I've had a looooong day, I worked out nice and hard and I took a LOOOOONG bath. So, I'm really zen. I have shit to bitch about but I don't feel bitchy. I have shit to gloat about but I don't feel snarky. I have shit to laugh about but I don't have the energy to type it all out. Funny.

Hmmm. How do I feel about the trip I'm about to take? That's a GREAT question. Thanks for asking. Well, since you asked, I have pretty mixed emotions.

For one, when I left it was in great fanfare, surrounded by new friends, all sad to see me leave and excited to hear updates. I'm going back to a handful of friends who seem slightly curious to hang out with me, but can't really muster up enough energy or motivation to really organize it. And I ain't gonna throw my own self a party, yo. I'm not that ego. Sorry. Happily, there are pockets of good buds here and there, who really ARE excited to see me and already have made plans for us to gather. And there are individuals who just fucking downright rock and are really good about keeping in touch and really do care about my missions and whatnot. So, in the end, I'm really not complaining. Just interesting to see how things evolved. Or devolved, if you see it that way. I have a feeling that things will work out for the best (don't they always in my life?) because I think I'll end up seeing the folks I'm s'posed to see and when and where I'm s'posed to see 'em. How's that for zen? LOL!

Know what I'm MOST worried about? Don't laugh, cuz it really is stupid. I'm worried about being fat. Cuz I put on that 30 pounds. I took ten off. And to be fair, I had gained about 5 back before leaving, so really, I'm only 15 pounds heavier than I was when I left. But dude... I'm not nursing anymore, so 10 pounds of that is no longer boob like it used to be... It's all ass, if you ass me! LOL! I guess I'm scared that they're all gonna laugh at me! LOL!!! No, not really. I just don't feel as buff and beautiful as I felt when I left there. But that's okay, I guess. I'll deal.

I'm also scared about the landscape. I'm scared I'll get major culture shock when I see rows and rows of fast food restos along side the highway. That's gonna make things really REAL. I'm scared I'm gonna hold up in my hotel and rock back and forth muttering to myself until it's time to come back here. LOL! No, I'm kidding. Kinda.

I'm a leeeetle scared of Lynchvegas. I'm scared I might not like it... Scared that so many of my eggs are in that basket. But, I know some peeps who have lived there and I take comfort in their memories and stories (thanks Kristie and Nic!).

I'm scared of the planes. LOL! I'm scared of leaving my cozy apartment all alone while I'm gone. I'm scared the place will burn down while I'm gone. Blah blah blah. I have a pretty active imagination. I could sit here and write about all the stuff I'm scared of all night long. But I won't.

I'm scared that I won't get my carry-ons packed if I don't get the hell off the internet. So, I'm gonna go.

I love all y'all sinners! Cross your fingers for my flights and my kids and my driving and my meetings. Cross your fingers for my farm!

Hugs and kisses!

1 comment:

Erica said...

fingers crossed- for whatever may be!

I used zen in a sentence this morning. Weird.