Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Back in the Saddle...

So, I went to lunch with my wing-chick. I could have eaten a thousand wings. I only had nine. But DUDE!!! I'm DEFINITELY going to have to do "free-range wings" when I get my farm. DUDE!!!

Then, I went and hung out with one of my old writing buddies and her two perty kids. She had just gotten back from VA, so I was glad that she didn't turn me away when I called for an impromptu visit. It was awesome being around some kids... I needed a fix cuz I'm missing my babies.

I went to Target again. Can I just say how much I love Target? I know, I know, half of that shit is made in China and whatnot, but I got all kinds of things I needed that would have cost me double in France. I KNOW that I won't be a patron of the store when I get back to the States because I'm committed to supporting the ma's and pa's of the world, but since our focus right now is on the "farm fund," I have to get my stuff where I can get it cheap-ish. Am I rationalizing? Probably a little. I'm just dazzled by Target. I'm going to Goodwill today, too, though and I know I'm going to be practically orgasmic in there.

Then, I went out with my ex-boss and one of my heroes, Miss Lynne. She took me to this INCREDIBLE Thai resto and we had soup, rolls, pad thai and curry and ginger tea and coconut ice cream with honey drizzled on it and peanuts crumbled on it... *salivating* We spent THREE HOURS talking and catching up. I feel like I've had a long massage. Relief. I hate when I go too long without seeing my Lynnie. It was so great to get a fix. We always laugh so hard together. We get the same jokes and we have the same urgent, desperate love of librarianship and the same optimism and love of life and love of children and love of books. *sigh* Yep, it was a good fix.

On the way home, my sis called me and told me that the luggage guy had called and said he wouldn't be able to deliver my stuff until TODAY from 8 to noon... Guess when I was supposed to have breakfast plans with a friend who only has a certain four-hour period free all week? Yep, you got it. 8-12!!! So, I had to call and revise those plans. Sux cuz I NEVER get to see this friend anymore and when I do it always feels like a drive by cuz I'm running around crazy. Since I have no kids with me and I had my morning free, I was hoping she and I would get to gab all morning. Blah. So, maybe I'll be able to kidnap her for lunch and/or coffee later. Still sux.

Chris Boudreaux, if you're reading this right now, you need to FB me or something cuz we need to go have a beverage and/or victuals tonight. You hear? C.B.... you hear? I'll find you and see what we can work out.

On the way to go see my friend for lunch yesterday, I passed by an intersection where Mexicans/LatinoAmericans (legal or not) wait for big "jefes" to drive up in their twin cab, extended bed pick-ups and take them off to work. I had seen footage and had heard about it (mainly because I have an uncle who used to say, "Yeah, I need to go pick me up a truck load of Mexicans before lunch" *eye roll* and *barf*), but I had never seen it with my own eyes in real life. I was filled with a crazy mix of emotions.

Mainly I was morbidly curious. Like seeing a celebrity or some endangered species in the wild or something. But I was also deeply ashamed for some reason. The jefes pull up and the Mexicans FLOCK to the truck and beg to be picked up. "Me! Me! Pick ME!" and you KNOW they have families to feed (either here or there). And I think about all of my friends who are SO glad to have jobs right now and how these Mexican guys must be even EXTRA thankful and nervous, but also somewhat able to nanny-nanny-boo-boo the privileged Americans who have been looking down their noses at Mexicans for all these years. Now we're all in the same big boat. Well, not me... But that made me sad and ashamed and guilty, too. That I am so okay right now financially. I mean, don't get me wrong. I've been a Mexican. I have clandestinely eaten food off other people's plates while bussing my tables as a waitress. I lived in my car. So, maybe a part of me feels like I've abandoned my peeps or something. Like when you're THAT poor and savage, even though you're constantly competing for survival, you feel this deep sense of community or family with the others. Like a flock of pigeons or seagulls or something. "Mine! Mine!" We all scream, but when all the food's gone, we're brothers again. And now I'm full and comfortable and whatever and I feel like I've left them behind as I motor off to buy my camera that I think I "need." *eye roll* Very conflicting emotions and thoughts.

But I welcome these kinds of things because I really do NEED that. I NEED to be reminded that I have nothing... NOTHING to wine about. Yeah, yeah, it's all relative and actually, that life was so much more simple and rewarding (because EVERY morsel of food or whatever was SUCH a wonderful thing... I mean, I'm not sure I've ever TASTED my food more than when I didn't HAVE any)... but still. I need to be reminded to absolutely TASTE and EXPERIENCE and APPRECIATE everything in my life. Even just having the freedom and opportunity to come back here and meet up with old pals.

I thought about something else about a mile later... there were a couple of Mexican guys with leaf-blowers, doing the gutters along the highway. And you KNOW that while their blowing the dust out into the street, by the time ten or twelve cars pass by, that dust is going to be RIGHT back in the gutter. What a waste of gas, energy and effort. But those guys aren't complaining because, well, it's winter and it's not 100 degrees outside and they're going to get paid and have enough to feed their families.

There you go. Me being "melodramatic" again. I hate that word. Sorry Mi, but I do. I always feel like when someone's telling me I'm being melodramatic that I'm overdoing it or overexaggerating. But who gets to decide what that means? I mean, I'm NATURALLY dramatic and more outwardly expressive than "most" "NORMAL" people. So, it's not "over" anything, right? Why do THEY get to be the ruler against which I am measured? Nah. I don't think so... Maybe everyone else is UNDERexaggerating. Maybe everyone else needs to be more dramatic? I'm going with that. Cuz I like me and I like feeling everything and really experiencing everything. Hate to be cliche and all Dead Poets Society and whatnot, but I'm a marrow-sucker. I'm a carpe diem-er.

Okay, if you're a certain ex-writer buddy of mine and you haven't contacted me because you're somehow pissed off at me and you don't want to get together later today to just gab and snack on something even though you are already going to be in Houston tonight for your meeting, I'll understand. I'm not gonna chase. My feet hurt. But, I wish you'd write cuz it seems a waste NOT to pretend there's no tension and hook up to talk about writing while we're in the same zip code for a day. Yep. Wish you'd write. Then again, I guess email works both directions, huh?

My sister says I stink. Huh. I probably do. I still don't shave the pit gardens or wear antipersperant so there's a high chance I smell like human body. I showered and I perfumed, but that's all anyone's getting. And I'm not apologizing. Well, okay, I'll apologize to my sis cuz she has the same freakishly strong sense of smell I do, but beyond that, nothin' doin'.

Where's that luggage dude!!!???!!!


Erin said...

Joj! Carpe Diem, baby! I love that you're loving life right now.
Happy 2009 and have a great time stateside.


Erica said...

Uh-oh, dramatic is bad? I'm so in trouble...

I'm not wearing deoderant AND I haven't showered today. :) I really don't think I smell though? Besides, it's only 50 outside, who needs deoderant when it's 50? Once it gets back to 90, I'm back on the deo wagon.Until then, I'm lazy.