Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Up for air...

A quick one. The past two weeks, I've been swimming in my past. It's been choppy waters. I don't understand why this story never loses it's potency. Every time I read through it, I choke up. It's not because it's sad, per se--though parts of it are really sad--and it's not because I regret anything. I think it's because I'm so completely different now that I can't even remember being that person. I remember the experiences. I remember how they felt and what they looked like and what they tasted, but I sort of remember them as though they were a very vivid past life. I guess that's what it is, huh? I can't relate to those things anymore. So, when I read them, I think I feel sorry for that girl. And somehow, I DO relate. I DO remember. I get lost in the past and I forget I'm the me I am today and I remember. And I feel this strange collision between the past and the now and it crushes me. I want to warn that girl. I want to hold her. I want to slap her. Shake her. And yet, I blush to know that she was me. But I'm not her.

Anyway, enough of that deep shit. I'm done LOGISTICALLY with the first read through and the first 18 chapters are essentially "ready" to send. The other 22 aren't bad, they're just not... "ready." So, I wrote the JMC and told him I'd send it to him by Friday at the latest. I got two peeps reading it and they are really cranking out some good stuff. Great observations. Great questions. Working on this thing is like a puzzle. Most of it on the page, but there are pieces stuck in my head. When *I* read the thing, of COURSE it fits cuz I have all the missing pieces. But when these peeps read it, they point out the pieces that my brain is still holding on to.

I worked nearly straight through yesterday. Broke for lunch and dinner but other than that I worked over 12 hours on it. I feel I got a lot of stuff caught up.

I'm obsessed. I can't talk or think about anything else. I just want to get this done and beautiful and sent away so I no longer have to carry it around anymore.

Other than that, I cook. I finally made spring rolls. And I solved the ancient mystery of spicy thai peanut sauce. *raises fists* And then I made Cha Soba (green tea flavored buckwheat noodles... Japanese) with home made Men Tsuyu (a noodle dipping sauce/cold soup made from shitake mushrooms, soy sauce, white wine and ginger *slurp*). I also made a cherry clafouti which is delicious!!!! I never realized how much I like it until I tasted it with fresh, local organic cherries!!! My father in law has a huge cherry tree in his yard! Sam went there on Sunday with the kids (cuz it was Mother's Day here and my present was an empty house in which to work... as well as a jar opener, a new ice cream scoop and a stainless steel french fry cutter...) and came back with almost two pounds of cherries. I might be able to get more this coming weekend and make some preserves. I also made SCADS of pesto. The usual Eggplant/Zucchini pesto, but also some Mint/Basil/Almond/Garlic pesto, and some Mint/Basil/Cashew. And some Mint/Basil/Walnut/Garlic/Lemon pesto. I'm all about the pesto. I also made some home made salsa with roasted peppers, fresh cilantro (the market dude told Sam that cilantro season is over, so Sam bought up a huge quantity). I think I'm probably going to make some mint jelly this week. I made a HUMONGOUS quantity of cauliflower/lentil soup and froze it. *slurp*

See? When I'm not writing, I'm in the kitchen cooking.

Haven't worked out in the new gym room yet. Sam had an electrician come in and look at the outlets and it turns out the place is a powder keg. I'm a LEEETLE antsy about being down there by myself until they get that shit fixed. I'll still do the final spackle/sand/paint on that HOLE Sam put in the wall, but I'm not moving my equipment down there until they fix the elec. Supposedly, per Sam, there are a few fixtures that have to be moved or taken down altogether. That means there'll be some more spackling/touch up painting to do. Whatever it takes to make the place workoutinable. I'm ready, dudes. I'm getting FAT again.

I'm not pregnant. Bittersweet. I'm not bummed. Just hearing the ticking clock's all.

Get this... Lolo said "Lily" this morning. Twice. Why do I choke up at that? Because they hate each other? Because they take turns being so mean to each other? Because to finally see a SECOND of tenderness between them makes me cry like an old lady? YES. So?

Okay, I'm outta here. Gotta get back to the obsession.

2 comments:

Alisha said...

They say that, in 7 years, all of your cells have completely recycled. So, you physically become a new person. I can identify with you--the girl from my past doesn't exist in the present.

Joelie said...

A... Good point!