Thursday, October 16, 2008

It is finished...

I finally put down the Solitaire and took up my "pen" and finished the "goodbye" chapter of my book yesterday. Now the hardest chapter of my life has been written down. And I'm still crying. Still not from sadness but from gratitude. I look back at the Joelie then, and am so proud of her. I want to reach through time and squeeze her hard and pat her and tell her of what wonders are to come. But instead, she's reaching through from the past and yanking my heart into my throat. I'm reading pages of my journal that I kept back then and they are tearing me apart. How young I was. How scared and confused and yet... determined and focused.

She even wrote down this song in dedication to the precious infant child who saved her life (read it slowly if you want to fully understand):

I Will Remember You by Amy Grant

I will be walking one day
Down a street far away
And see a face in a crowd
And smile.
Knowing how you made me laugh
Hearing sweet echoes of you from the past...

I will remember you.

Look in my eyes while you're near
Tell me what's happening here
See that I don't want to say
Our love is frozen in time
I'll be your champion
And you will be mine.

I will remember you.

Later on... When this fire is an ember
Later on... When the night's not so tender
Given time, though it's hard to remember, Darling,
I will be holding...
I'll still be holding to you.

I will remember you.

So many years come and gone
And yet the memory is strong
One word we never could learn...
True love is frozen in time
I'll be your champion
And you will be mine.

I will remember you.

So please remember...

I will remember you.

I can barely see to type it through my tears. Sheesh. That little kid saved my life. And everything that has happened since has been thanks to the event of him. Had I not gotten pregnant, I would probably be dead. I was not on a very good path, y'all. Carrying him filled me with a sense of purpose. And meeting his parents only strengthened that.

It's been a rough week, but not a very productive one. I'd like to gab some more (as I'm sure you know) but I got other chapters to write so I can get this book done before November. Y'all have a great day! Hold your kids (or your lovers) close to you and give 'em a good squeeze.


Audra & Levi said...

I have always loved that song, but had never put it in that context before. How sweet and beautiful! Thanks for sharing! I will never hear that song the same, it means so much more to me now!

Rachel said...


Erin said...

Thanks for sharing a beautiful moment in a (sometimes) not so beautiful world. I needed that.

Wordy T said...

Bless you Joelie. I know that you know what a gift you gave his parents, but if you ever forget or wonder, just give me a call or an email and I'll remind you. I will forever wish I could hug Ellen's first mom and thank her for the beautiful little girl she brought into our lives.

Erica said...

I feel like I should say something, but I'm sort of speechless in a good way.